#84

scraps and ephemera


Tuesday, April 14, 2015

my parents were parents



Monday, June 1, 2015

Hymn to JF

teeth pressed to eyelids
enough to grip but not to burst
lips wrapped around orbit
then sucking
sucking
swallowing
ocular globe
gelatinous orb
sticking in throat
choked down
stomached sea-urchin
hopefully absorbed
because i want to see
the way he sees

"Lord, do not judge me for what I've done, but what I could have done had you been more successful in your design of me."



Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Isoprophlex

Aphex liquids
while I stumble and stagger
(seeing) clear will make me go blind
if I try hard enough
...but only if I try hard enough



Friday, August 21, 2015

Scott v Flenderson

Why am I the way I am?
I hate so much about the things that I choose to be

Except...
Fuck you
You had me
Now deal with it
Or don't
But make up your fucking mind



Thursday, September 24, 2015

Everything I absorb makes me idealize nostalgia
Reminiscing about the present in the now
Living tomorrow looking back
I can't wait to fondly remember this
When do I live in the moment?
...



Sunday, September 27, 2015

crickets outside window
wrapped inside the fan
and
white noise blurs libido
calms the storm again



Monday, November 23, 2015

...I work to buy weed to smoke while I'm at work (and away from work) so I don't care about work and smoke weed to work for weed to smoke to not care about working to buy weed to smoke to not care that...



Thursday, January 26, 2016

I used to laugh every time I lied
Now I do it thoughtlessly
Effortlessly
Habitually
(and probably obviously)

"a cypher
wrapped
in an enigma
smothered
in secret sauce"
~Jimmy James



Tuesday, May 10, 2016

step out the side door into grey damp, heavy and unseen. suffocating in the atmosphere but raising a cigarette to lips regardless, flame ignited and cupped by curled fingers as it fleetingly graces the open end. first breath of smoke promptly exhaled without registering on taste buds, followed quickly by a second drawn into flesh sacs caged behind ridges of bone, choking tissue, smothering cells; voluntary self-infection as sham nutrition.

#83

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

I like to think I'm wearing a red windbreaker
But it's really a red hooded sweatshirt
Because I'm not a rebel
I am a clown

#82

Monday, October 12, 2015


Wild Turkey (not 101)

mottled skin
splotched and stretched
betwixt the neck and
talon'd beak
short and sleek
sharkish eye
more kind than i'd
ever expect.
&
i'd never known its beauty
if you'd not shown me
so thanks for that.

#81

Wednesday, October 7, 2015


Calling in Sick

i can't deal with your frog-eyed stare
English teeth and American brain
"this is how we should do it"
when you've invested nothing
"oh, that's what i thought"
when you don't have a clue
step up or step back
and realize:
we'd take your help, if it was true
but we sure as shit don't need you

#80

Thursday, September 24, 2015

I'm not hermiting
I'm cocooning

#79

Friday, July 10, 2015


Belated Eulogy for HW

Mountains of pain
Looming in distant fog
Beyond idyllic rolling fields
Of absurdity, comedy,
And a desire to remain unserious
Able to stay there
With the right music
And a handful of whatever's around
Until the bottom dropped out
After a tape-recorded night of celebration
I don't know exactly what followed
But I think I can guess:
A moment of clarity
     of realizing how fucked things are
     and maybe how fucked they've always been
A seeking of help
     an admission that you can't save yourself by yourself
     no matter how much it hurts
A period of optimism
     trying to reintegrate
     maybe even feeling good for a while
Until the bottom dropped even further
As the gnawing inside became more intense
Falling back into old habits -
Attempts to satiate the ravenous maw
Only to find those habits are less effective than ever
Because now you know better
     (or should, anyway)
But nothing/no-one else fills that void, either
No matter what or who it is
Those feelings
     the ones that had been there forever
     the ones that kept getting worse
...you couldn't see them ever going away
And once that idea solidified
You understood that you'd never really lived
And probably never would
So you left it all behind
Forced your sister to a place inconceivable
I read her words, and they broke my heart
Because I imagined my sister writing the same, yes
But also because I see a lot of me in you
And, truth be told,
I'm afraid I might meet you
And soon.

"I just think motherfuckers wanna laugh"

#78

Thursday, July 9, 2015


My Feet are Fucking Freezing

two years and i'm back in the same place
well, no, not the same place
i'm doing better in a lot of ways
and this time it's my choice
but still, even after xanax and a joint
nothing will slow down right now