Terrified for the future of... well, everything, but I'm too fucking pissed and upset to even write something clever about the absolute scumbags running everything and the people supporting them. So instead, here's two unfinished pomes about myself that I unsubtly mashed into one, and an old, weird, quasi-experimental thing I found (would give anything to have that me back again).
[11.2020 & 01.06.2021]
catfish-22
i always thought i was doing something noble by ignoring my real feelings in order to "be there" for her
except i could never fully "be there" because i was ignoring my real feelings
never able to say
how i really feel
and it always leads up
to the same reveal
[11.28.2017]
my therapist's POV
["I know this girl..."]
No, let me start over
["I know this woman," he said.
He said, "Let me tell you about her."]
And then he did
And the things he told me...
Man, you should've been there
You should've heard
This girl...
This woman
She picked right up
She left her family
She left her friends
She left her everything
To go somewhere far less comfortable
Than the place she lived
["And she did it," he said,
"Because she said that's what she wanted.
To leave everything, to start all over.
And that hopefully it would help her."]
Which it will, of course
["But," he said,
"She's also doing it to help other people,
people who really need help," he said.
"Because," he said,
"at her core, she is
a tremendous human being."]
He said that
And I could do nothing
But smile
Nod
And miss her with him.
---------------
"I think that we'll go to hell for
All the things that we have thought we've done"
"My words they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you"
But it does mean at some point, somewhere, someone did care
