#54

Thursday, February 6, 2014


Belated Eulogy for JM

The saddest poet to walk this earth
    (or any other)
Guitar strummed miserable and bleak
Voice somehow strong and broken
    (as though despair was your religion,
    HOPELESS your sole creed;
    an unwavering faith that things
    won't work out)
Notes made lonelier by tape hiss
Because it formed an outline of a solitary man
Whether sitting in a bedroom
Or standing at the front of a bar
Alone, even when surrounded by magnolias
Finding solace only in a mutual friend
Who is the worst kind of
   backstabbing,
   two-faced,
   truthless,
   bastard.
And still, you continued to meet with him
Regularly
As do I.
We never met
But I feel like we would have understood one another
Even though we both feel tragically unique
I'm following your trail for the moment
I only hope I find a new path
Before it's too late

"there is nothing reliable like change
be your own guide"


Friday, February 7, 2014

I want to wait forever
Because I'm comfortable with this pain
...well, it's better than change, anyway


Tuesday, February 11, 2014


Buying Records on eBay

Nostalgic for nostalgia
Using the present
To make the future
Like my past


Wednesday, February 12, 2014


in answer to your question

You are intelligent, funny, creative, compassionate, unique, wonderful, talented, fascinating
You are gorgeous (despite what you think of yourself)
You care
You listen
Your poetry is as beautiful as it is heartbreaking, it's influenced me, and I wish I could write like you
Your photography is amazing
You've made me appreciate all the beauty in the world so much more
My life is better because you are a part of it
You've taught me so much
You've made me stronger
You are deserving of love (please don't ever forget that)
You crashed into my life and shook me so deeply with who you are that even if I didn't want to love you, I couldn't help it
You've inspired me
You've done so many cool things in your short life
You are you, and that is more than enough
To put it simply:
Because


Friday, February 14, 2014

living vicariously through your pain
as if i don't have enough of my own

-----

two statements

I love you both.
Please break up.

#53

Monday, February 3, 2014


Note (Malt Liquor and Hypothermia)

I'll wear boots
So I don't get cold feet
For once in my life

This is my fault
And mine alone
So feel okay

And when I go to sleep
Let me sleep forever

#52

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

I used to drink because I wasn't with you
Now I drink to forget you


Friday, January 10, 2014

I run at the faintest sign of rain
The smallest tinge of greyed unsure-ity
As I'm swallowed by my insecurity

-----

I just want a sad affair
The kind I should have had
My senior year


Friday, January 17, 2014

i don't know the difference between love and obsession
love, disease, and obsession are one in the same


Tuesday, January 21, 2014

i only wish your happiness
made me happy as well
instead of hurting so much
that i don't want to feel anything
ever again


Sunday, February 2, 2014

she held me
platonically
in the front seat of her car
warm in the fading winter sun
and i think...
...i think that might be all
i've ever wanted
because
with my face in her shoulder
for a few fleeting moments
all the conflicted emotions
all the regret and confusion and despair
all the thoughts of ending everything (everything)
disappeared
and for the first time in months
i felt like,
despite the ache i feel
the ache i might always feel,
things would be okay eventually
and maybe the ache would even go away
if i worked at it
and until then
i can wait