#83

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

I like to think I'm wearing a red windbreaker
But it's really a red hooded sweatshirt
Because I'm not a rebel
I am a clown

#82

Monday, October 12, 2015


Wild Turkey (not 101)

mottled skin
splotched and stretched
betwixt the neck and
talon'd beak
short and sleek
sharkish eye
more kind than i'd
ever expect.
&
i'd never known its beauty
if you'd not shown me
so thanks for that.

#81

Wednesday, October 7, 2015


Calling in Sick

i can't deal with your frog-eyed stare
English teeth and American brain
"this is how we should do it"
when you've invested nothing
"oh, that's what i thought"
when you don't have a clue
step up or step back
and realize:
we'd take your help, if it was true
but we sure as shit don't need you

#80

Thursday, September 24, 2015

I'm not hermiting
I'm cocooning

#79

Friday, July 10, 2015


Belated Eulogy for HW

Mountains of pain
Looming in distant fog
Beyond idyllic rolling fields
Of absurdity, comedy,
And a desire to remain unserious
Able to stay there
With the right music
And a handful of whatever's around
Until the bottom dropped out
After a tape-recorded night of celebration
I don't know exactly what followed
But I think I can guess:
A moment of clarity
     of realizing how fucked things are
     and maybe how fucked they've always been
A seeking of help
     an admission that you can't save yourself by yourself
     no matter how much it hurts
A period of optimism
     trying to reintegrate
     maybe even feeling good for a while
Until the bottom dropped even further
As the gnawing inside became more intense
Falling back into old habits -
Attempts to satiate the ravenous maw
Only to find those habits are less effective than ever
Because now you know better
     (or should, anyway)
But nothing/no-one else fills that void, either
No matter what or who it is
Those feelings
     the ones that had been there forever
     the ones that kept getting worse
...you couldn't see them ever going away
And once that idea solidified
You understood that you'd never really lived
And probably never would
So you left it all behind
Forced your sister to a place inconceivable
I read her words, and they broke my heart
Because I imagined my sister writing the same, yes
But also because I see a lot of me in you
And, truth be told,
I'm afraid I might meet you
And soon.

"I just think motherfuckers wanna laugh"

#78

Thursday, July 9, 2015


My Feet are Fucking Freezing

two years and i'm back in the same place
well, no, not the same place
i'm doing better in a lot of ways
and this time it's my choice
but still, even after xanax and a joint
nothing will slow down right now

#77

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Not to sound dramatic
But there are days when taking my life
Seems easier than taking a shower
  (a thing I like to do!)
When every word I force through my teeth
Feels like a paperthin death

I'm not trying to go easy on me
But you should know:
The fact that I made multiple(!) phonecalls today
Is fucking miraculous
Especially when they were about me

Progress takes time.
There are a lot of false starts
And a lot of fallings flat
  on my stupid face;
I know it's painful to watch
  (really, I do)
But as long as I'm still laughing
Can/'t you laugh, too?