#36

Saturday, August 24, 2013


Lip Service

A white tunnel fills my vision
And somehow I manage to make a
Panicked escape through it
Despite my shallow breaths
My paralyzed limbs
My boiling brain
On the run for hours that seem
Timeless and surreal
Static, yet moving forward
While you spend time with those
Close to me
With full knowledge of my situation
If not my spatial location
As the others
     (the real ones?
     certainly the ones I neglected
     and maybe should have been with
     all along)
Make the journey to find me
To save me
From myself
I see now what everyone else has seen
So clearly
For so long
And though you've pushed me to come here
Time and again
For time immeasurable
I wonder
Will you regret it
When I return home?



Monday, September 9, 2013


Pandora's Box

A sealed rectangle
inscribed with both our names
     (mine taking precedence
     over yours
     for the first time in...
     all time?)
sent from close by
but arriving inexplicably late
due to circumstances beyond my control
and understanding
Was all it took to bring back the
familiar vibration of anxiety
originating just below my chest and
spreading out in all directions -
overtaking
     my lungs
     my heart
     my throat
     the muscles in my extremities
     my brain
     and finally whatever it is at the core of
     who I am
in a matter of seconds
Leaving in its wake a dreadful,
silent,
stillness,
     (one which I'm sure would have been
     painfully clear
     had anyone looked at me)
as I slowly split open the paper container
releasing the devastatingly innocuous kindness within.
And as my eyes scanned the
countless back symbols
covering two white sheets
I tried to determine
why I had finally received them.
Did you feel guilty?
Ashamed?
Sad nervous worried?
...scared?
I guess in three days' time it will
cease to matter
because there's nothing you
could have done
or will do
to change my trajectory.
The actions I'll take then were
set in stone,
solidified,
frozen,
unchangeable,
the second I left
three weeks ago...
even if no one knew at the time,
save for the One who imbued me
with the strength
to do this -
and for that
  (the strength and the unknowing)
I am thankful.