#115

Stuff I wrote today, some has been kicking around my head all week. Also some lyrics that may not fully apply to my life, or that I may not feel entirely, but they've also been in my head all week and I'll be goddamned if I'm not gonna twist them around in my brain so they fit to me. If I'm good at nothing else, I'm good at that. "Did I listen to pop music because I was depressed, or was I depressed because I listened to pop music?"

It's difficult not to worry about what happens next

Certain looks sort out confused looks

Certain looks sport confused looks

---------------

[10.18.2023]

baptize me

in boiling water

hot enough so

i can't breathe

at least then

i'll be gasping

over something other

than you

slough my skin

shed the old me

and any new ones, too

boil my heart to leather

because I'm tired of feeling

and hurting

everyone around me

---------------

Don't leave my hyper heart alone

Underwater

Cover me in rag and bone and sympathy

Because I don't want to get over you

---------------

are you my muse?

or is it feeling shitty

about you?

probably it's been

me and my selfishness

all along

---------------

I've written pages upon pages

Trying to rid you from my bones

---------------

sick with malignant thoughts

i vomit forth on the page

trying to rid myself

of this selfish disease

/////

my mask stopped working

saturated by the miasma

surrounding us (...or maybe just me)

perhaps breathing it straight

is the only way towards immunity

---------------

If I see you struggle and givin' all that you got

I see you work all night, burning your light

To the last of its dim watts

I'm gonna help you how I can

If you see me struggle all night

Give me a hand 'cause I'm in need

I'll call you friend, indeed

But I'm gonna watch my own back

---------------

too sad

to take care of it myself

so as i slept

my brain—

weird runaway creep it is—

did the work

mapping uncharted territory

with its tongue

---------------

Your heart may lack love inside

But I will keep it in formaldehyde

The valve and aorta, but no crash cart

I will repossess your heart

I will repossess your heart

(look, i know i never had it, nor do you lack love, but it's a great song and you just referenced the Death Cab one and i am the crown douchebag of reinterpretation)