#115

Stuff I wrote today, some has been kicking around my head all week. Also some lyrics that may not fully apply to my life, or that I may not feel entirely, but they've also been in my head all week and I'll be goddamned if I'm not gonna twist them around in my brain so they fit to me. If I'm good at nothing else, I'm good at that. "Did I listen to pop music because I was depressed, or was I depressed because I listened to pop music?"

It's difficult not to worry about what happens next

Certain looks sort out confused looks

Certain looks sport confused looks

---------------

[10.18.2023]

baptize me

in boiling water

hot enough so

i can't breathe

at least then

i'll be gasping

over something other

than you

slough my skin

shed the old me

and any new ones, too

boil my heart to leather

because I'm tired of feeling

and hurting

everyone around me

---------------

Don't leave my hyper heart alone

Underwater

Cover me in rag and bone and sympathy

Because I don't want to get over you

---------------

are you my muse?

or is it feeling shitty

about you?

probably it's been

me and my selfishness

all along

---------------

I've written pages upon pages

Trying to rid you from my bones

---------------

sick with malignant thoughts

i vomit forth on the page

trying to rid myself

of this selfish disease

/////

my mask stopped working

saturated by the miasma

surrounding us (...or maybe just me)

perhaps breathing it straight

is the only way towards immunity

---------------

If I see you struggle and givin' all that you got

I see you work all night, burning your light

To the last of its dim watts

I'm gonna help you how I can

If you see me struggle all night

Give me a hand 'cause I'm in need

I'll call you friend, indeed

But I'm gonna watch my own back

---------------

too sad

to take care of it myself

so as i slept

my brain—

weird runaway creep it is—

did the work

mapping uncharted territory

with its tongue

---------------

Your heart may lack love inside

But I will keep it in formaldehyde

The valve and aorta, but no crash cart

I will repossess your heart

I will repossess your heart

(look, i know i never had it, nor do you lack love, but it's a great song and you just referenced the Death Cab one and i am the crown douchebag of reinterpretation)

#114

 [10.08.2023]

the shittiest Beatles song

i should've asked

to hold your hand today

skin to skin

and you should go

to whoever makes you feel

at home in yours

even if it isn't me

...that sounds worse,

more hopeless than i meant

but i guess that's normal here

my brain's the weak heart

and my heart's the long stairs

---------------

it's okay to leave your dog

in a hot car

#113

 [08.22.2023]

I can deal

With the real world

For now

I'm just afraid

I'll do the same thing as always

Once you find someone else

And that makes me

A terrible friend

And if I'm going to be direct

Instead of beautifully poetic like you

Why can't I just say this in person?

i am cold, too cool to call you

far too stoned to leave my bed

i'll write this song to win your kiss

but stay asleep instead

---------------

don't don't don't let's start

this is the worst part

---------------

is that you in front of me

coming back for even more

of exactly the same?

#112

 [08.10.2023]

had i known that line was there
i never would have crossed it
stuck on the outside
trying not to check my phone every five minutes

because while it's okay that you're upset

and i'm trying to give you space

i hope you don't keep me out here too long

it sucks away from you

if i buy her candy

will she know who i am?

she is famous

she's the best

i cannot lay

my heart to rest

#111

[10.21.2022]

Mom thinks
i need a mom...
...er, girlfriend

like that'd fix me
instead of bringing
Mom...
er... a girlfriend

down to my level

#110

[08.06.2022]

geodude

    i feel
        like i've fallen
far too many times
    in front
        of you

but today
i didn't mind
at all

#109

[07.19.2022]

hand map

i'd gladly hold
your button'd sleeve

while you watch
shark documentaries

"Tell me how you feel about me
Do you like or like, like me?

...maybe we should just stay friends?"