#116

If I was a booger

Would you blow your nose?

Would you keep it?

Would you eat it?

I'm just trying to give myself a reason

For being around

---------------

i feel like i've written half this shit a million times already

----------------

I'm learning how to be here and nowhere else

How to focus on what I can do myself

Leave it all to memory of what we did when we were young and

Now you could just leave me on my own

I'm not, I'm not you

You're a part of me

You're a part of me

I'm not telling you all I'm going through

I feel fine

---------------

[10.21.2023]

caught myself thinking

"what are we even doing?"

(as in dragging along

neither getting what we want)

because i always end up

thinking of everything

in terms of "we" or "us"

when that's never been

so

what am i even doing?

---------------

Is that you in front of me

Coming back for even more

Of exactly the same?

You must be a masochist

To love a modern leper

On his

Last

Leg

---------------

why do you keep putting up with my shit?
do you keep hoping things will be different one day, too?

---------------

I wish we'd never met

Then met today

You're the shit

And I'm knee-deep in it

---------------

[10.29.2023]

i'm trying not to, but i still wonder

if you don't feel that way about me

because i do feel that way about you

---------------

Wish I remember when we kissed but now it's faded

'Cause I always just replayed it till it left

I wanna save myself, you'rе part of my addiction

---------------

[11.06.2023]

loneliness is such

a worthless goddamn feeling

imagine thinking

other people

are what i need

---------------

Do you feel safe with him?
Can he give you everything?

Is he gonna work out?

Is he gonna work out?

Do you wanna hurt him?

Do you wanna kill him?

Is he gonna work out?

Is he gonna work out?

---------------

You used to say I had what it takes

I think I did if you meant too little too late

I can tell by the looks that I'm gettin'

I made some big mistakes

And I thought you said I was great

Shoot straight and give it my best try

I made my heart as hard as nails

That may be the way you live your life

But it's almost got me killed

Darling, I'm not giving in

That happened miles ago

I heard the North Star saying:

"Kid, you're so lost even I can't bring you home"

Did you think that we were going to last?

Honey, you know you don't have to answer that

Half of that was my kind of joke

I don't remember which half

I didn't know how blue I'd get

I didn't know how I'd get blamed for it

I didn't choose to go down this road

No one chooses to be sick

I'm saying everything is fine

By the look in my eye

But you know, darling

Half of what a man says is a lie

It's your last chance to forget me now

That it's done for good

You always said I'd make it out

Somehow, darling, I knew I never would

#115

Stuff I wrote today, some has been kicking around my head all week. Also some lyrics that may not fully apply to my life, or that I may not feel entirely, but they've also been in my head all week and I'll be goddamned if I'm not gonna twist them around in my brain so they fit to me. If I'm good at nothing else, I'm good at that. "Did I listen to pop music because I was depressed, or was I depressed because I listened to pop music?"

It's difficult not to worry about what happens next

Certain looks sort out confused looks

Certain looks sport confused looks

---------------

[10.18.2023]

baptize me

in boiling water

hot enough so

i can't breathe

at least then

i'll be gasping

over something other

than you

slough my skin

shed the old me

and any new ones, too

boil my heart to leather

because I'm tired of feeling

and hurting

everyone around me

---------------

Don't leave my hyper heart alone

Underwater

Cover me in rag and bone and sympathy

Because I don't want to get over you

---------------

are you my muse?

or is it feeling shitty

about you?

probably it's been

me and my selfishness

all along

---------------

I've written pages upon pages

Trying to rid you from my bones

---------------

sick with malignant thoughts

i vomit forth on the page

trying to rid myself

of this selfish disease

/////

my mask stopped working

saturated by the miasma

surrounding us (...or maybe just me)

perhaps breathing it straight

is the only way towards immunity

---------------

If I see you struggle and givin' all that you got

I see you work all night, burning your light

To the last of its dim watts

I'm gonna help you how I can

If you see me struggle all night

Give me a hand 'cause I'm in need

I'll call you friend, indeed

But I'm gonna watch my own back

---------------

too sad

to take care of it myself

so as i slept

my brain—

weird runaway creep it is—

did the work

mapping uncharted territory

with its tongue

---------------

Your heart may lack love inside

But I will keep it in formaldehyde

The valve and aorta, but no crash cart

I will repossess your heart

I will repossess your heart

(look, i know i never had it, nor do you lack love, but it's a great song and you just referenced the Death Cab one and i am the crown douchebag of reinterpretation)

#114

 [10.08.2023]

the shittiest Beatles song

i should've asked

to hold your hand today

skin to skin

and you should go

to whoever makes you feel

at home in yours

even if it isn't me

...that sounds worse,

more hopeless than i meant

but i guess that's normal here

my brain's the weak heart

and my heart's the long stairs

---------------

it's okay to leave your dog

in a hot car

#113

 [08.22.2023]

I can deal

With the real world

For now

I'm just afraid

I'll do the same thing as always

Once you find someone else

And that makes me

A terrible friend

And if I'm going to be direct

Instead of beautifully poetic like you

Why can't I just say this in person?

i am cold, too cool to call you

far too stoned to leave my bed

i'll write this song to win your kiss

but stay asleep instead

---------------

don't don't don't let's start

this is the worst part

---------------

is that you in front of me

coming back for even more

of exactly the same?

#112

 [08.10.2023]

had i known that line was there
i never would have crossed it
stuck on the outside
trying not to check my phone every five minutes

because while it's okay that you're upset

and i'm trying to give you space

i hope you don't keep me out here too long

it sucks away from you

if i buy her candy

will she know who i am?

she is famous

she's the best

i cannot lay

my heart to rest

#111

[10.21.2022]

Mom thinks
i need a mom...
...er, girlfriend

like that'd fix me
instead of bringing
Mom...
er... a girlfriend

down to my level

#110

[08.06.2022]

geodude

    i feel
        like i've fallen
far too many times
    in front
        of you

but today
i didn't mind
at all